God, where are You?

I remember, after our first miscarriage, feeling as if God was absent from my life, like He had excused Himself for the moment. The devastation was so great, and the temptation to despair was immense. Reflecting now on the feeling that He was nowhere to be found led me to one place...the tabernacle, where God is present body, blood, soul and divinity at all times. There are many places I should have known God was, but none so profound as His holy presence in the Eucharist. I urge you to seek Him out in the holy Eucharist because He waits for you. Frequent holy Mass; spend time in adoration of the Blessed Sacrament; there God Himself waits to heal us from every wound suffered.

Really, in those moments where I wondered where God was, there were so many places I could have found Him: in the Eucharist, in my husband's love, in the care and concern of family and friends, in the sacrament of Reconciliation, in sacred scripture, and even within myself, for my body, torn by miscarriage, was still a temple of the Holy Spirit.

May God help us all to remember where He is and never leave Him, as He never leaves us.

Have I mention the Pope Paul VI Institute yet?

I don't think I have....If you have had multiple miscarriages, have trouble conceiving, or have other fertility / woman's health problems, please consider getting in touch with the Pope Paul VI Institute in Omaha, NE. Dr. Thomas Hilgers is an incredible doctor who read Humanae Vitae and knew that Pope Paul VI was speaking to him. He has done a tremendous amount of positive, pro-LIFE research that helps families achieve pregnancy and maintain pregnancy. We owe the life of our little boy, Francisco, to Dr. Hilgers, his staff, and all the people in our area who helped us work with Dr. Hilgers. If you want more information about his work, check out these websites:
www.popepaulvi.com
www.fertilitycare.org
www.naprotechnology.com
www.creightonmodel.com .

"One Thing is Necessary"

"One thing is necessary: to be near Jesus. You know well that at the birth of our Lord the shepherds heard the angelic and divine chants of the heavenly spirits. The Scriptures say so. But they do not say that his Virgin Mother and St. Joseph, who were nearer to the Child, heard the voices of angels or saw those miracles of splendor. On the contrary, they heard the Child weeping and saw by the light of a poor lantern the eyes of the Divine Child all bathed in tears, in sighs and shivering with cold. Now I ask you: would you not have preferred to be in the dark stable filled with the cries of the little Child, than with the shepherds, beside yourself with joy over those sweet melodies from heaven and the beauties of this wonderful splendor!" St. Pio of Pietrelcina

This quote has often given me so much peace in times of suffering and trial. As much as I would love to hear the angels singing and see "those miracles or splendor," how much greater it would be to be at the side of the Christchild...to be like Mary, seeing His every affliction from birth to death, and joyfully loving through all their sufferings. As much as I would like to have my children here to hold and care for, I would rather be close to Christ, which means I must graciously accept all that God wills for my life, including their death. As much as I would love to hear my childrens' first cries, and warm them when they are cold, instead I must embrace the suffering Christ, just as Mary, our Mother, did and have great hope for the eternal joys of heaven.

Trying for new life...

There are so many things that go through your mind when you are thinking about trying to conceive again...so many "what ifs?". It can be easy to let fear drive your thoughts. What if we have another miscarriage? The thought of it is terrifying...but what if I never tried because of my fear? Can I give up the possibility of another child making it to my arms? No, I cannot give that up. And then also, can I give up the possibility of birthing another child into heaven? No, I must not.
Dear God, give us the quiet we need to hear your holy will for our lives and the faith to carry it out!