We're pregnant again, praise God. Being pregnant again, after having two miscarriages, brings up a lot of questions...when should we tell people we're pregnant? How are people going to respond? What if I miscarry again? Is there anything I can do to prevent another miscarriage? How can I calm my fears? And that's just the beginning...
This time around, I've had 3 nightmares that I'm having a miscarriage. It's obvious that I'm worried about it, even when I don't realize I'm worried about it. We're currently at 13 weeks and we've had one ultrasound where we saw the baby's precious heartbeat...so we've made it past the point where our babies were miscarried, but the fear has only subsided some.
So, how do we deal with all those questions? I can tell you what my husband and I do, but some of it is so personal for each family, so my "answers" may not be your answers.
We found out we were pregnant when we were about 4 1/2-5 weeks pregnant and we immediately began telling people. We choose to tell people right away for a couple of reasons...the first being that we have a new life, something worthy of great celebration, even if that life is brief. We want everyone to be able to celebrate with us and if we wait until after we miscarry to tell people we are pregnant, most people don't feel like celebrating the life of our little one. The second reason is that we want to give our children every possible advantage at living, and we believe that the prayers of others will help our child live, so we ask for lots of prayer. Some people react with extreme joy when we tell them we're pregnant again, despite knowing that we have had the miscarriages, and others respond nervously, not sure how to react to the news. We truly appreciate all of those people who can respond with great joy, but we also understand why people respond nervously. It's scary and no one likes to hear that you're having a miscarriage. We use those opportunities as a chance to uphold the dignity of the child in our womb, and hopefully help spread the culture of life.
What if we miscarry again? I never thought I would have a 2nd miscarriage. I thought we had figured out what had happened with our first miscarriage and would be able to prevent any more...but you just don't know why you miscarry, and we did have another one...and we survived. I feel like if I had a third, I wouldn't survive, but then I remind myself that God alone knows what I can handle, and He loves us more than we can imagine, enough to offer His own Son as a sacrifice for us. He knows what it's like to have His Son die and He knows how we can and will make it through should we lose another. Of course, it takes reminding myself of this often just to remain at peace. So that's what I do...I pray, I remind myself of God's great love and mercy, and I pray some more. I do what I can to help my baby have a safe womb to live in (especially with the help of the Pope Paul VI Institute), and then I place my children in God's hands, entrusting them also to our Lady for her prayers and protection.
God give us the faith to continue trying for new life and when we do conceive, give us the grace to be free from fear and trust completely in You.
6 comments:
Thank you for sharing your story on here.
My husband and I found out that we are pregnant again (about 9 weeks now) and I'm completely scared about sharing with anyone.
We have told our parents and siblings... But not anyone else. I just couldn't bare telling them again if we lost another one.
I have been having nightmares and worry all the time. Have you spoke to your doctor about your nightmares? I have not yet, but will on Monday.
I have been worrying so much that I'm thinking about getting a fetal heartbeat monitor. Just so I know he/she is okay... But that won't save the baby.
Anyway thanks for sharing your story. It makes it easier to know someone else is going through the same difficulties that you are. And that you aren't alone!
Congratulations on your baby!!! What a beautiful gift! You are the reason I share my story. I'm so grateful that you find it helpful.
No, I never spoke to my doctor about my nightmares. I would be interested to know what yours says, so please let me know. I just figured it was because my anxiety about miscarrying was so great, and left it at that.
You could buy a baby monitor, but I personally wouldn't. When we go to the doctor's office, the doctor has trouble finding the heartbeat occasionally with her awesome heartbeat monitor, especially when the baby is so little. I think I would cause myself more anxiety trying to find the heartbeat on a personal heartbeat monitor, than I would just praying for the grace to trust God no matter what happens with my precious little baby.
I will keep your little one and your pregnancy in my prayers!
Thank you for creating this blog. We lost our baby a little over 3 months ago now. We are just starting to try again. Some days that feels like the right thing to do, and others it just feels so scary. Thank you for sharing your story. I find myself so calmed when I find other Catholic Mom's sharing their stories with the focus on the beauty of a life even so so short. Thank You
Thank you For sharing your story. We are just starting to try again after losing our baby a little over 3 months ago. I am so caught up with fear and anxiety and perceived judgements. I am so grateful to find strong Catholic women who will share their stories, and truly honor these lives we seek to create and cherish the ones that sometimes just don't make it here. Thank You for your courage to put it out there.
Patricia, I will keep you in prayer as you try for new life! Having little ones, whether here or in heaven, is such a blessing. Keep trying! Have hope! I'm sure you realize this, but they are so worth it!!! I will say, if you have multiple miscarriages (as we did), please contact the Pope Paul VI Institute in Omaha, NE. They helped us keep the three babies we have here with us alive through bio-identical hormone support. Without them, we would probably have had 5 miscarriages instead of two. Dr. Hilgers was inspired to do the research he has done after reading Humanae Vitae, and stays faithful to the teachings of the Church. Such a blessing!
And sorry it took me so long to respond! I missed the post in my inbox.
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