What I heard that I didn't want to hear

There were so many things that I heard when telling people of our miscarriages that I didn't want to hear...things like "you're young, you'll have more," "there must have been something wrong with the baby," "your son must not be ready for a little brother or sister" and perhaps the worst was "it was just tissue." How are we to respond to people who say things that are not sensitive, true, or comforting? I am sure that most people mean well when they respond with comments like these, so I usually (if I'm in an emotional state where I can do this) try to gently and lovingly present them with the truth. I do this for each and every one of you, so that God willing, word will get around and not everyone will have to hear these things; I do it for the person making the comment because they probably do not realize that what they are saying is hurtful, not helpful; I do it for the sake of my baby and all babies, who need the world to realize their humanity; and I do it for God because I want the truth of His creation to be known throughout the world. If I'm not in the emotional state to be able to do this, I simply pray. Pray that the truth will penetrate our culture, and pray that despite what others may say, I will always remember the sanctity of each and every human life.

"the plans I have for you..."

"'For I know well the plans I have in mind for you,' says the LORD, 'plans for your welfare, not for woe! Plans to give you a future full of hope!'" Jeremiah 29:11

Having miscarried two of my three children, I started reflecting on why God allowed Francisco, our son, to live and not Ariana and Gianna. He could have taken all three up to Himself, but He did not. It is important to God that Francisco is here on Earth. I began thinking, God must have a special plan for Francisco, that he should be allowed to live...which led me to think, why are any of us still here? God must have a plan for us as well...and not just any plan, a unique plan, a plan for our salvation, unlike any other. He has plans for our sanctification, plans for great love, probably plans for great sacrifice, plans for us to give and get mercy: our path to heaven. What is His plan for me? Do I constantly seek to discover His divine will in my life, or do I prefer my own? My own is filled with pride, despair and grief. His is full of joy, love, and hope. How easy is it to fall to despair when we lose a child unless we know that God's plans are for our welfare and the welfare of our children? The pain is real, and I do not discount that we will feel pain, but even through pain and great sorrow, we can find a wellspring of joy and hope, knowing that our good God works all things for His glory.

God, where are You?

I remember, after our first miscarriage, feeling as if God was absent from my life, like He had excused Himself for the moment. The devastation was so great, and the temptation to despair was immense. Reflecting now on the feeling that He was nowhere to be found led me to one place...the tabernacle, where God is present body, blood, soul and divinity at all times. There are many places I should have known God was, but none so profound as His holy presence in the Eucharist. I urge you to seek Him out in the holy Eucharist because He waits for you. Frequent holy Mass; spend time in adoration of the Blessed Sacrament; there God Himself waits to heal us from every wound suffered.

Really, in those moments where I wondered where God was, there were so many places I could have found Him: in the Eucharist, in my husband's love, in the care and concern of family and friends, in the sacrament of Reconciliation, in sacred scripture, and even within myself, for my body, torn by miscarriage, was still a temple of the Holy Spirit.

May God help us all to remember where He is and never leave Him, as He never leaves us.

Have I mention the Pope Paul VI Institute yet?

I don't think I have....If you have had multiple miscarriages, have trouble conceiving, or have other fertility / woman's health problems, please consider getting in touch with the Pope Paul VI Institute in Omaha, NE. Dr. Thomas Hilgers is an incredible doctor who read Humanae Vitae and knew that Pope Paul VI was speaking to him. He has done a tremendous amount of positive, pro-LIFE research that helps families achieve pregnancy and maintain pregnancy. We owe the life of our little boy, Francisco, to Dr. Hilgers, his staff, and all the people in our area who helped us work with Dr. Hilgers. If you want more information about his work, check out these websites:
www.popepaulvi.com
www.fertilitycare.org
www.naprotechnology.com
www.creightonmodel.com .

"One Thing is Necessary"

"One thing is necessary: to be near Jesus. You know well that at the birth of our Lord the shepherds heard the angelic and divine chants of the heavenly spirits. The Scriptures say so. But they do not say that his Virgin Mother and St. Joseph, who were nearer to the Child, heard the voices of angels or saw those miracles of splendor. On the contrary, they heard the Child weeping and saw by the light of a poor lantern the eyes of the Divine Child all bathed in tears, in sighs and shivering with cold. Now I ask you: would you not have preferred to be in the dark stable filled with the cries of the little Child, than with the shepherds, beside yourself with joy over those sweet melodies from heaven and the beauties of this wonderful splendor!" St. Pio of Pietrelcina

This quote has often given me so much peace in times of suffering and trial. As much as I would love to hear the angels singing and see "those miracles or splendor," how much greater it would be to be at the side of the Christchild...to be like Mary, seeing His every affliction from birth to death, and joyfully loving through all their sufferings. As much as I would like to have my children here to hold and care for, I would rather be close to Christ, which means I must graciously accept all that God wills for my life, including their death. As much as I would love to hear my childrens' first cries, and warm them when they are cold, instead I must embrace the suffering Christ, just as Mary, our Mother, did and have great hope for the eternal joys of heaven.

Trying for new life...

There are so many things that go through your mind when you are thinking about trying to conceive again...so many "what ifs?". It can be easy to let fear drive your thoughts. What if we have another miscarriage? The thought of it is terrifying...but what if I never tried because of my fear? Can I give up the possibility of another child making it to my arms? No, I cannot give that up. And then also, can I give up the possibility of birthing another child into heaven? No, I must not.
Dear God, give us the quiet we need to hear your holy will for our lives and the faith to carry it out!

With a big smile...

“The easiest way and the simplest way of belonging is this: the Holy Spirit makes us do that giving of self, that total surrender to God without any reflection without any counting the cost, we call that blind surrender. We allow God to take from us whatever He wants and we accept whatever He gives with a big smile.“ Mother Theresa

Barbara McGuigan, a host of EWTN's Open Line, read this quote last week on Open Line when she was doing a show on helping others heal from the loss of a child. She emphasized the last sentence, "we allow God to take from us whatever He wants and we accept whatever He gives with a big smile." It sounds difficult, if not impossible, to do...accepting a miscarriage with a big smile. How can this be done? The key is the first sentence..."the Holy Spirit makes us do that giving of self, that total surrender to God without any reflection without any counting the cost;" this takes openness to the Spirit, and at times, especially after our first miscarriage, all I could offer was a prayer that I could be open to the Spirit. But God accepts us wherever we're at and if we but give Him the opening into our hearts, He can use that. Pray and pray to be open to Him, to His healing, to His will for your miscarriage, that He will use you as He wills to bring about the good He longs to bring forth from your suffering. He is a good God, a perfect Father, and He comes to us, holds us, and accepts us with a big smile. Let us in turn do the same for all the He wills for us, and most especially, for the crosses He gives us to bear with Christ.